Margaret Watkinson

It’s been a minute but here goes! Three’s are transitioning from toddlers to preschoolers. While it’s a gradual growth, there are certainly ways to encourage behaviors and teach skills that nudge your little towards being able to do for themselves (and in turn, you!).

The first step in this process is for parents, grandparents and caregivers recognize why this is important and their role in providing the framework consistent expectations while also adjusting when their little one is trying, but struggling.

Little ones who are working on a skill will work tirelessly on that skill when they are feeling their efforts are within their skill set, just a little bit challenging, a genuine challenge, that they achieve. Think of the 16 month old who sees stairs and will spend 30 minutes climbing up, or the 2 year old who throws anything that fits in their hand. Or dumps all buckets of toys- these are skills they are working on and they will soon move on to the next one once these are mastered.

Three year olds are working on growing out of two and into 3! They are learning about adult and social expectations. Whether or not they have been in child care or nursery school, the setting will provide new challenges. They are likely moved into a new age group with new routines and expectations or the entire experience of being away from caregivers (nanny, family) who anticipate and accommodate their needs and desires.

Expressive language: Expressive language is one of the big skills that is developing now. Discovering the power of language is a huge accomplisment and one that moves your little one from behavior based “making it happen” to one that connects what is going on what is being said.

Parents and caregivers instinctually carry, move, stop or “do for” babies and toddlers. These same babies and toddlers may be using some words and phrases, but will rely on their ability to move, grab, climb, protest physically and verbally (crying out, NO, tantrum) when their desires are interfered with. The baby and toddlers will quickly move on from the desired goal (depending on temperament and how tired/sick or whatever they may be). This is terrific!

The three year old may start 3 with the ability to move on quickly but, as we adults soon discover, they are learning the power of language and combine it with behavior to establish ‘their position”. The temptation for parents and caregivers is to accommodate the child when behaviors kick in.

What to do? Assess what skills the child is working on- language, or something else? Why do they want or need the ‘thing’ and why did you/caregiver interfere? Safety? Time to end/move on? Because you created the limit and need to stick with it?

If you are teaching your child the power of language over using behavior to achieve a goal, then the best approach is to monitor your verbal directives and responses carefully to ensure that you are saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. All. The. Time. They WILL find your inconsistencies and will challenge them. If you change your mind, that’s fine! But don’t change it based on a behavior that you don’t want to see continued. It’s not what your child wants, it’s how they get it,.